Tuesday, May 31, 2005


I got rejected for a job at AC Neilsen today. I knew this would happen of course, because they always make me send them my college transcripts. And while I feel my hard earned 2.8 is not representative of my intelligence, how would they possibly know this. This is frustrating however since about a week ago my boss and I were discussing how my intelligence is problematic at my current job. (Not that I'm so smart, but I learn very quickly and so I become bored just as quickly, which results in me being impatient and rude apparently.) This is annoying. I don't know what to do. I some options, but I am afraid. What am I afraid of, I don't know. I think part of me is terrified that I will make a mistake and spend the rest of my life regretting it. But I've made some mistakes so far in my short time here on earth, and I don't regret most of them. And I'm certainly not happy now. I'm miserable, I go to bed every night dreading waking up the next morning. This is not good. And I'm afraid that if I do the wrong thing I will spend the rest of my life being miserable. And so I do nothing. This might be because I don't really know what would make me happier. I don't have any goals really, there are things I would like to do, make money at being a blogger, be an opera singer, own my own business. But I don't really think I can do any of these things. I'm not a very good blogger, my singing is mediocre and I definetly don't have the experience or knowledge necessary to own my own business. I don't know how to get there and I feel trapped. And the thing that keeps me from really pushing for any particular goal is, I don't know that any of these things would really make me happy. So instead I am just sitting here, bitching on my blog about how miserable I am and how I don't know what to do about it. And it makes me hate myself for being a whiner. Which makes me even more miserable. Sweet. Maybe I need a psychologist. Or a life. Or a new job. One of those would probably work, right? maybe I should just get married and have babies and devote myself to being their loving mother...............................Okay, that snapped me out of it. I'm going to go throw up now and get my lunch. Actual content later, I promise.